I wouldn’t wish the heartbreak of a break-up on my least favorite ex. They can be painful, confusing, disorienting, and disruptive to everyday life. Break-ups signal loss to varying degrees, from the loss of companionship and a confidante to the loss of relational and maybe even financial security. Whether it was your decision, your partner’s, or a mutual break, it’s wise to plan for the inevitable changes to your routines and have resources at the ready to support you throughout. Here are the tools I would recommend you gather while you navigate this next bit of time and heartache.

Avoidant attachment is characterized by avoidance of intimacy or the deprioritization of close relationships. It might show up as a resistance to deepening intimacy in relationships, a pattern of losing interest in new partners after a few weeks, a desire to be overly self-reliant, or a tendency to dismiss both your own and your partner's emotions. This avoidance is not necessarily a conscious decision to pull away or repress emotions, as much as it is an automatic response.

Anxious attachment often rears its head early in the dating process, which can make it hard to enjoy getting to know new people and exploring your compatibility. Anxious attachment is characterized by a preoccupation with relationships, a fear of abandonment or rejection, and reaching for connection. It can show up as overwhelming concern about a potential partner’s text response time, feeling emotionally out of control when you haven’t heard from someone you want to, or constant rumination over your conversations and what they mean. It can show up in a lot of ways - most notably as emotional distress over feelings of uncertainty.

Your attachment style speaks to the ways you relate to others. It is an imprint from childhood - our attachment styles were formed in response to the care we received, or did not receive, from our caregivers. Attachment styles reflect the ways we were able to attach to our caregivers as an infant when our survival depended on them and they set the blueprint for our dating, friendships, lovers, partners, and intimate relationship health.

how to make friends in a new city… therapy can help you build confidence, create safety in your community and make friends with adults like you.

It all begins with an idea.